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Jamie Oliver creates World Cup recipes for disaster
Jamie Oliver has created an exciting new range of firm World cup snacks that can be enjoyed conveniently while staring open-mouthed at unfolding sporting disaster or genocidal pandemonium in Brazil....
View ArticleSuarez set to face England in a wheelchair
Uruguay’s star striker Luis Suarez is to play against England in the World Cup after training hard and showing that even in a wheelchair he was still good enough to run rings around the England...
View ArticleEngland defeat blamed on not enough flags back home
Sporting experts have put the blame on England’s 2:1 defeat to Italy squarely on the fans back home for their insufficient support with flags and bunting, and without a massive surge in flag waving...
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Injury may put English football stars out of Sunday’s barbecue
English football fans were anxiously waiting for further team news today, after injuries to several key players left a question mark over their participation in various leisure and social activities...
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Unguarded moment confirms Gerrard now officially ‘Creature of the Night’
There was much speculation at England skipper Steven Gerrard’s startling appearance at the post-match Costa Rica press conference today. Pale, dark circles under his eyes, and staring into the...
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1966 World Cup Spectators Association to disband
Veteran spectators of England’s only World Cup win are to finally disband as membership dwindles and survivors find it increasingly difficult to travel. Each summer they have returned to the turf of...
View ArticleGerman war veterans wake up early to lay wreaths before British
Allied war veterans who got up extra early to lay tributes on the graves of fallen comrades were dismayed to find the Germans had got up even earlier, laid their wreaths on the graves and were already...
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Glaswegian attack victim slams ‘rubbish’ muggers
A man left mildly injured by an inexperienced gang of muggers in the east end of Glasgow has spoken out against the ‘poor quality’ of the assault. Rob Murray, a 31-year-old painter and decorator from...
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Bored video ref admits he switched channels
The future of video refereeing was thrown into doubt last night after the fourth official admitted he had got bored and switched channels during the game. The respected referee’s assistant Graham Smith...
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England refuse to win the World Cup in protest
In a bold statement of principle, the English Football Association has agreed to forego any chance of winning a trophy in order to pressure FIFA into reforming. Despite knowing that any team with Chris...
View ArticleFIFA awards 1966 World Cup to West Germany
Independent FIFA Investigator Baron Deutschland von Uberalles has found against England in his investigation into the 1966 World Cup final. Baron Uberalles has revealed that a new witness, believed to...
View ArticleTories announce plans to stop Lib Dem MPs voting on English issues
Prime Minister David Cameron has announced plans for a referendum on whether Liberal Democrat MPs should be allowed to vote on English issues. Mr Cameron said the referendum, to be called ‘The General...
View ArticleUKIP to throw out all Anglo-Saxon immigrants
After the publication of the most detailed genetic map of the UK, Nigel Farage has reiterated his aim to remove all immigrants from the UK, starting with those French and Germans who have been invading...
View ArticleEngland now favourites to win World Cup Nobel Prize and Space Race after 4-0 win
After a massively convincing four nil routing of Lithuania, England are certs to win the next World Cup, writes Sun Sport Columnist Steven Howard (the columnist the players fear most). “This England...
View ArticleScottish National Party to launch takeover of UKIP
City analysts have announced that they believe that the SNP will attempt to take over at least one mainstream UK political party in order to expand south of the border, with UKIP being their preferred...
View ArticleTories to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall
The Conservatives have announced plans to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall in a massive new infrastructure project that will create up to 100,000 new jobs. Project costs of £50 billion will be met by scrapping...
View ArticleCharlton vows to reclaim England goals record
Sir Bobby Charlton has pledged that his all-time England goal scoring record is only out on loan to Wayne Rooney. The 77 year old England and Manchester United legend confirmed he is back in training...
View ArticlePolice leave cancelled to deal with plastic bag riots
Having had all holiday leave cancelled in order to deal with the wrath of the free carrier bag-loving public, British police are arming themselves heavily against the expected violent backlash of...
View ArticleRugby World Cup ‘technically still going on’
The English have admitted that, according the strictest interpretation of the rules, the Rugby World Cup is still in progress. ‘Obviously the important question of how far England get has been...
View ArticleOrganisers stunned that the Rugby World Cup was still on
The RFU got a post Halloween fright today when they realised that the Rugby World Cup went on after England’s group stage exit, culminating in someone actually winning it. ‘I woke up on Monday morning...
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