Path cleared for England’s heart-warming defeat in quarter finals
England football fans are reportedly delighted not just at securing a late win against mighty Tunisia in the World Cup but also at the prospect of enjoying a chaotic stumbling through four matches...
View ArticleIsn’t Wimbledon interesting this year, says Scotland
The people of Scotland are completely absorbed in this year’s Wimbledon Championship, it has emerged. Despite the withdrawal of home favourite Andy Murray Scots up and down the country are completely...
View ArticleFootball denied entry to UK by Home Office Officials
Despite widespread rumours that Football was coming home, the Home Office disclosed this evening that Football has been denied entry to the country, much to the horror of its many fanatical supporters....
View ArticleWomen footballers to receive cliché training
Female footballers are to be schooled in spouting meaningless rubbish to the media in a new initiative to bridge the capability gap between them and their male counterparts. It follows a shameful...
View ArticleKim Jong-un proposes EU border at 54th parallel
North Korean president Kim Jong-un has proposed a solution to the Brexit crisis by dividing Britain along the ’54th parallel’, with the southern half exiting the EU and the northern half staying inside...
View ArticleRugby semi-final added to list of acceptable events for 9am drinking
England’s rugby world cup encounter with New Zealand has been added to the protected list of occasions where having an alcoholic drink at 9am is considered socially acceptable, it has been confirmed....
View ArticleReckless illegal gathering becomes fine as clock strikes midnight on May 31st
An illegal gathering recklessly flouting lockdown rules has become perfectly fine after the clock struck midnight and the date changed from May to June. Paul James, from Northampton, had five friends...
View ArticleScottish 70% less likely to want Covid-19 than the English
Studies suggest that the Scottish Government is actively trying to stop the spread of Coronavirus, despite evidence from England that death by respiratory illness is good for you. This cowardly...
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